Malaise

I had a brief stroll around East Cambridge yesterday, around sunset. For the first time in a long time, I found myself taking the the long way home, taking my time and just enjoying the scenery. I wish I could say it was relaxing, though on the plus side it was necessary.

I'm coming to grips with a strange realization. From graduation in spring of 2008 until the fall of 2010, I was living the rough and tumble, young artist life. I found myself underemployed and living on two friends' couch, working the occasional odd job and industrial to barely break even. The entire time, I was also on the search for better employment working to get CoLab off the ground. I partied a little too hard, but I also kept busy and constantly working towards something better.

Over the past year, I started making some more money and CoLab starting taking off. It's been rewarding and exciting and I'm very thankful for those two things.

And yet, I came to the realization yesterday that this has also been one of the most sincerely depressing periods of my life. If you haven't seen me posting blogs as often (and you haven't) and wonder why I'm not taking to the streets with my opinions on Herman Cain and Boston Theatre Economics like I usually do...

To paraphrase Fight Club, you're reading me in a very strange time in my life.

As I walked through the empty, dim glow of the Genzyme and MIT labs I realized that no matter how much better things get, they will also be difficult and it will be very easy to give up. CoLab makes me happy. My job makes me happy. My apartment makes me happy. So why aren't I happy?

It's worth noting, that this current slump really starting about two weeks after Dearly Beloved wrapped up. It's also worth noting that I've had slumps all my life, and I'm aware that life fluctuates and in a few weeks I'll probably feel the spark of life come back. But for the time being, I have to cope with the fact that even though life always gets better, it also always gets worse.

I have a long overdue "Man-date" this week with one of my many hetero life mates. (If confused, please consult feature film "I Love You, Man".) We have been talking about similar themes in our lives. We both experienced a severing of bonds in the past year and we both have a sense of anxious malaise, so I know what I'm experiencing is in large part a symptom of my 20's. So I figured this is something worth sharing with ya'll. I'm not sure how other people cope, but I guess I'm figuring it out for myself now.

The quarter-life crisis. It's a thing.

And I'm okay with that.

K

The (Theatre) People Vs. Kindle Culture

I took myself out to breakfast yesterday. As a single diner, I chose to sit at the counter of the restaurant, ordered some eggs and coffee, and took out a novel. As the waitress cleared my plate, she commented, "I'm impressed you're reading an actual book. Everyone in here has a Kindle. I'm not sure I've seen someone reading a real book in months." We briefly conversed on her's son's Christmas wish list of assorted electronics (she ended up get her 10 year old a phone that included the mp3 player, the phone, AND the video camera he wanted - problem solved) and the craziness of the world's dependence on electronic devices.

Now, I understand the convenience of the Kindle. If I'm George Clooney's character in Up in the Air, I'm absolutely going to own one of those babies. But, I'm not. And even if I was, I love to hold a book. I love flipping the pages, I love the smell, the weight, the feel, the nervousness I get when the cover gets dog eared. I love writing notes in the margins. I love placing it on my shelf when I've finished, ready to pick it up again when the mood strikes. Collecting books is a way of gauging my intellect, my journey through the world of literature, I display them as proudly as I display my writing awards from 3rd grade and my college diploma. (Plus, you can let someone borrow a a real book - how cool is that? Right!?) Which gets me to thinking, why are we moving away from actual, physical novels to the electronic kind? Is it that we find them inaccessible? Bulky? And what does that say about us? Most of us are NOT traveling so often that we can't pick up a paperback. Come on, people.

And if the Kindle is stomping all over print culture, is that the fate of the theatre? Will Blu Rays and blockbuster films eventually run us over? What is happening to us? Why can't we relate to things in person any more? What's wrong with books and live theatre? Like Kenny, I've been watching quite a lot of Slings and Arrows lately and a lot of the characters are battling the same thing - why do we find live theatre not accessible? Why can't we just watch people relate on stage? Theatre is not boring. It's beautiful. I'm not sure if this post has turned into a rant or drawn any conclusions, but these questions have been eating at me for the past 24 hours. And I've yet to find answers. I'm not really one for New Year's Resolutions but I'll say this, I pledge to keep asking these questions in hopes that the continued conversation will help me get some peace.

Oh, and of course, I won't be buying a Kindle in the next 361 days.

- E

Back In The Game

These are the things I love about auditions:

1. Getting nervous. It makes me remember that I still care about getting the part. I care about getting ready and being professional at the audition and presenting a strong monologue to the director.

2. Getting dressed up. Although let's face it - anything is dressed up compared to my stupid white uniform. But moving on.

3. Running into friends. It makes me realize that I actually am a real part of the Boston theatre community.

4. ACTUALLY FREAKING AUDITIONING!!!!!!!!!!!! Performing is a such a rush for me. If you've ever read this blog you already know that. :)

Anyways, it was a fabulous audition. I felt strongly about my own pieces and I felt strongly reading some scenes. Mary-Liz and I read for sisters which was super cool as we already have a great rapport. We actually felt like sisters. I'm looking forward to the callback on Sunday. I really feel like I'm right for this role. I mean as right as you can be to play a sixteen year old heroin addict. I feel like I haven't played a "real" person in such a long time that I'm actually hungry for it. So hungry. So we'll see what happens. I've got the spark in me again and boy does it feel good. I guess I didn't realize that I missed it so much until Tuesday. I'll keep you posted (get it? through blog posts?) but I'm ready to fight for this.