When you really want it

So Wednesday night I had an audition.

Nothing out of the ordinary. If anything, that information should be expected right? I mean, if I continue to want to get cast, I'm going to have to continue to audition. And I have been. For months....and months...with 0 results. Which is also to be expected. It happens.

So ok, Wednesday I went into this audition, sides and headshot in hand ready to just go in and do my thing an leave. And then I got up infront of the auditors and did the monologues and just KILLED it. I mean I was on. It was the first time in about 3 months where I really felt like I belonged in an audition.

Then we read sides. And reading through them, I fell in love with the play and the character I was auditioning for. I mean I read it and it felt like part of me, something I'm supposed to work on. I could so easily live in this play for the next couple of months. And not just because I'm desperate to get on stage in a full length play, but because I relate to her...more than that I like her.

And then it occurred to me. I REALLY want this. Not because I want an audition to go well, or because I need to get something new on my resume, but because I want to dive in and make it mine. Because I can be myself in this play and do good work. It's a full fledged character. And I can make her me. OR make me her. Or some of both.

And so, I really want this. It was one of those audition experiences that reminded me why I like to do this, and why I keep putting myself through auditions. Because sometimes there are parts that you are just supposed to do.

And now I'm waiting...and hoping the director feels the same way I do.