Food For Thought

Size.

If you're in the industry, it's on your radar.

But why?

Size is something I consider a lot when I'm headed towards an audition. I'm not the skinniest girl in the world, but I'm not that large either. I work hard to stay in shape and maintain my figure as best I can, but I also work 40 hours a week in a restaurant. I don't eat specialty meals prepared by a hired chef to keep me at a size zero for the red carpet. If I work too many doubles in a row, an extra hour of sleep often takes precedent over an extra hour of gym time. And that's just the way the cookie crumbles.

The New York Times published an article this week about actresses and documented instances of public eating or DIPEs. The article discussed America's obsession with wanting to hear about skinny actresses eating high calorie foods. The article suggested several conclusions: Men want to hear about women eating because it's sexy. Women want to hear about it makes famous actresses seem just like them!

But they never touched on the fact that maybe, just maybe, we want to hear about actresses eating burgers and fries because it helps to create an illusion. In this era where we're obsessed with obesity, we look at a glamorous woman with a basket of fried chicken in her hand and we think, "Well, she's skinny and she eats that so I'll be okay if I do so as well." And that's just not true. Everybody's body is different. I'm sure some of those women can eat what they want and stay thin, but they STILL work hard to be fit and toned. As someone who spent the last month getting out of shape and has spent the last week realizing how hard it is to get back into it, it's a lifestyle. It's a mental decision to say, "I'm going to cook healthy and skip dessert some nights and cut down on the drinking. I'm going to work out six days a week, even if it's just for 30 minutes on the elliptical." And knowing how hard it to get into and stay in shape made me a little angry. These women work hard to look the way they do, so why should they have to pretend that they don't? And isn't that sending the wrong message to America, especially to young girls who look up to celebrity figures? Exercise and diet is the key to a healthy lifestyle. And honestly, having a piece of chocolate cake (and I LOVE chocolate cake) every once and a while is way more satisfying that bingeing on it every evening, wouldn't you agree?

The article ends with this quote from former Jezebel editor Anna Holmes, “We would all appreciate it if you had an interview with an actress who says: ‘You know what? It’s my job to be a certain size, and it takes a lot of work for me to do so. I tend to eat very healthy, small portions, but once in a while I splurge,’ I would like to hear that. That it’s not easy.” I agree. Which is probably why I subscribe to SELF and not Cosmo, but the size of the problem continues to stand out to me. I tend to discuss this a lot with people, especially because I used to be hyperaware of my size next to other actresses. Now, although I'm still aware of it, I realize that my size is my size and I can only take care of myself to the best of my ability. I look the way I look, and when that look is right for the part, that's when I'll be called in.

So, I guess my point is this, I'm not a famous actress. (Yet.) I don't have an on-call personal chef or trainer. But I'm keepin' on keepin' on in this body I've got in this business I can't live without. And while I'll discuss the size issue, I'll continue to wonder, why it's more important to know that Jennifer Lawrence always orders eggs benedict when she goes out for breakfast than what it feels like to get an Oscar nod at 20 years old. But, maybe that's just me. Plus, if you wanted to see a good looking girl enjoying a not-so-healthy dish, all you had to do was ask!

It's a Marathon, Not a Sprint

I recently ran my first 5K. In case you were wondering, that's 3.1 miles. In case you were wondering, I ran it in 25 minutes and 35 seconds. That's a pace of ~8.2 min/mi. I didn't run a marathon, but this was a huge accomplishment for me. An accomplishment that I mentally and physically trained to achieve.

A career in the arts is a marathon, not a sprint. You start by deciding to accomplish something. My goal? Ultimately, I would like to support myself using only arts-related activities. Was this my original goal? Absolutely not. When I was sixteen, I wanted "to be an actress" but I had no conception of what that actually meant. Sure I had visions of Cosmo covers and E! interviews, but those weren't real aspirations, they were simply all I knew of the acting world. Now that I'm actually part of that world, I have a better understanding of what it means and where I'm headed.

So I started with The Warm Up: Warming up for a race is just as important as warming up for a career. I hold a BA in Theatre Arts from Brandeis. I spent a semester in London studying Shakespeare, Noel Coward, and other British greats. I participated in as much college theatre as I could. I learned about my craft in as many ways as possible.

The First Quarter Mile: After graduation, I chose a location - BOSTON. After that, it was a matter of time before I started making connections. I joined StageSource, I went on auditions, I saw theatre.

The Next Quarter Mile (AKA The First Half Mile): I got into my stride, my pace for the run - I found my niche. The fringe theatre scene. Kenny, Mary-Liz, and I started The CoLab and I started to meet more and more people who were interesting in bringing the same sort of theatre I was to the Boston area. This led to more and more auditions which led to...

Three Quarters of a Mile Down: Getting cast. During a run, the first mile and a half is the toughest to get through. My body sometimes isn't ready for it. It is the point in the run where my brain kicks in and says, "you know you can do this. Don't give up this easily." After that I get into my stride, and the roles that I've been cast in so far have helped me get into a stride in the Boston area. I've made a number of connections, friends, and I've been able to push myself as an actress. This is all part of the training, the marathon.

The Completion of the First Mile: I haven't hit this point yet in Boston. For me, it will be when I get paid for a role. (Actually paid, not just a stipend.) This had yet to happen, but I know it will some day. For now, I'll keep up my training schedule. A training schedule filled with 5k roles to help me train for marathon roles. (This is not to say that the first time I get paid will be for the role of a life time, but it will be a stepping stone.) My marathon role will be the role I've trained for my whole life. Or at least, it will feel that way. Hopefully I'll experience several marathon roles in my lifetime. But I know that won't be for some time.

And like the road, the stage is somewhere to head where things in "real life" get messy or sad or boring. My 5k training came out of a little heartbreak and little spare time. And here I am running an 8 minute mile. Like running, a career in the arts also requires your brain to train. To remember that even if you're having a tough first mile or a dry spell from getting cast, if you push just a little harder, run just a little further, it will happen for you.

So for today, I'll take my first race as a great accomplishment and I'll use this knowledge to push myself towards longer races and faster miles. And I'll do the same with the stage. With each role, I know that I'm headed toward the future. Each role builds on itself, telling me something about myself as an actress and as a human. I'm never going to run a 5 minute mile for 3 miles in a row. I'm just not. And I'm never going to be on the cover of Cosmo. But that's not what's important to me either. I don't know where I'll end up, but the journey is what's most important. Not the finish line.

A photo of my dad, brother, and I after the race!