I'm at a pretty typical crossroads, almost two years out of college. Totally broke, a passion I want to pursue (that will keep me continually broke), and no idea what the fuck to do next. It's overwhelming. And lately I've been pretty emotional about it.
I know, most of you are thinking, "Well duh, you're an actor, of course you're emotional!".
But truly as a person, I'm usually pretty cool and collected. I often say I know I'm meant to be an actor because it's totally antithetical to everything that I am as a person but I can't imagine my life with out it. It's what makes me really happy, really alive, centered. And this feeling of late of being off center, of being unsure, of being not myself really set me thinking.
I like to work in lots of facets of theatre and for the past 6 months that's what I've been doing. I directed, I was an administrator, and right now I'm rehearsal stage managing. I've considered myself lucky to be able to keep opening up my network in these different ways. To be meeting new people and experiencing different kinds of work. Most of which I'm pretty good at. The logical, Type A, control freak in me excels at scheduling, lists, and bossing people around. A necessary trait for any good director/administrator/stage manager.
But it's not what I love.
I love acting. And without it, I'm finding, it's hard to make everything else make sense.
I guess I never realized this before.